Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
