I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
