so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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