so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
