She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
