from now on my penis is your penis
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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