Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
