what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
