Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
