i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
