watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
