Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
