She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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