Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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