I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
