I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm always down for nudity.
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