Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
