Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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