You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
