did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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