Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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