thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
