I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
