it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
