I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
