weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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