Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
