Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
