Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I look better un-naked...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
