Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
