Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
