You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
