i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
