I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
