I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
