Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
