just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
