If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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