If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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