So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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