NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
