I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
