i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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