I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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