Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
