there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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