The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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