I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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