Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
