Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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