good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
