I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
