i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
