I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
